


come back home to you

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Pining, dan's mom being hot and cool because why not, mushy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 19:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5978857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan goes away. Phil gets sad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	come back home to you

Dan calls from the airport. 

"You sound congested," Phil says. "Did you remember to take the-" 

"Yes, I have my tablets, _mum_ ," Dan says. Then he adds, in a slightly flustered voice. "Not you, Mum, sorry, I was talking to Phil." 

Phil is still laughing as he hears the sound of Dan's footsteps. "Did you just-" 

"Shut up," Dan hisses. "That was so embarrassing!" 

"You're always embarrassing," Phil says. 

What he means is, _I miss you already_ and _I love you_ and _Come home?_

"I'll text," Dan says. "Soon." 

*

Phil's supposed to stick around the flat for another day or two to get things done. 

It turns out he gets a lot more done when Dan isn't around. He's finished editing by six, packed by eight, lonely by ten. 

The flat seems too quiet and too big. It's too early for bed and too late to ring anyone up to occupy him. Dan's on a plane still. Television is weird at this hour. He picks up the video game controller then puts it back down. 

He's just - restless. He ends up in Dan's room, in Dan's closet. 

Dan would laugh at him if he could see Phil right now. 

It's not even like Dan's clothes carry a different scent than Phil's own. He's being ridiculous. They share deodorant. They wash their clothes together. 

Why is it so damn quiet? Why does he just feel like wandering room to room? Why is it like this every time, why is he fine until Dan's gone and suddenly he feels like someone just sucked all the air out of his lungs? 

He goes to sleep in one of Dan's shirts. 

* 

"They don't have any cereal I like here," Dan says. "I think my brother stole at all. He knows I like the frosted kind, I made mum buy it at Christmas. But did he bother to save the last of it fo rme? Nope. Dunno who that reminds me of." 

"Have you ever thought-" Phil hip checks the fridge door shut. "Of what the common denominator in all of these food theft situations might be?" 

"Are you insinuating that I somehow invite people to steal my food?" Dan is affronted. 

"Maybe you inappropriately take ownership of food." Phil's hand wavers between two containers of cereal, before going for the one Dan usually likes. "Let the cereal decide who it wants to be eaten by, Dan." 

"Right, because the cereal both has sentience and distinct preferences on how it wants to meet it's chompy end." Dan huffs in annoyance. "No, it's definitely a conspiracy amongst my loved ones to ensure that I never have a satisfying cold breakfast." 

"My heart goes out to you." He adjusts the phone between his chin and shoulder and grabs milk from the fridge, and a banana. Fruit cancels out the frosting. He's a paragon of healthy eating. 

"I think you're being sarcastic." Dan's voice drops and there's someone in the background now. "I have to go. Text me when you're leaving for the airport?"

That's hours away. They'll almost certainly talk, at least through text, before then. But the concern is... nice. It's very nice. Phil smiles as he mops up a milk dribble. "By the way - I'm eating your cereal." 

"Phil!" 

*

The stupid thing is, Phil's been looking forward to this whole being alone for a couple of days thing. 

It's lingered in the back of his mind over the past few weeks. Last year Dan was gone a few days at a time but they had so much going on and every time he left Phil just felt suffocated by all the work he had to do alone. This is like - a vacation, really. A little vacation of solitude before he goes to see his parents. 

He's got a mental list of things he can do now, things Dan wouldn't like. He can buy an entire box of pastry and eat them all without Dan's slightly judging him for it. He can have a wank in the middle of the day without feeling like it's going to hurt Dan's feelings that he'd want to choose masturbation over sex. He can order all the takeout Dan doesn't like and never wants to have. 

But Dan's a whole country away and he's not really hungry and he's not really horny and he's not really anything except slightly off-kilter. 

* 

"It was amazing - as soon as I have decent wifi I'm sending you pictures." Dan sounds breathless, just back to his hotel room. 

Phil would be more sullen about it if not for the fact that the first thing he did, even before putting his bag down, was ring Phil. "So you are having fun after all." 

"Shut up." Dan laughs a fond laugh. "I'm exhausted and it's only been two days. Talk to me again in a few more." 

"I hope I will," Phil says, and it's a joke, right? It's a joke. 

But Dan goes quiet and when he speaks again he's kind of smiling. "Phil." 

"Shut up." Phil rolls over, staring at the pictures on the wall in his parents guest room. "I hate you." 

"Mhm." Dan doesn't believe him. "I need to go to dinner soon." 

"Okay." Phil rolls onto his back again. He looks at the ceiling, then just closes his eyes and just listens to the sounds, the clicks and hums and whistles, that Dan makes as easily as breathing. 

* 

Phil does enjoy being home with his parents. He loves them, misses them, wishes he could come around more. 

Sometimes, though - sometimes he hates them just a little bit. He hates the way his mum gives him that knowing look every time he comes back from a phone call with Dan. It's not like they're talking that much. A couple times a day, good mornings and goodnights, and when Dan has something exciting to share. 

But she looks at him with that look in her eyes that's amusement and sympathy at once, and she hugs him or pats his shoulder or asks him if he wants a cake and he knows that she knows that Phil is a wandering aimless mess without Dan. 

He doesn't want to be. It's a little bit miserable, this feeling he can't shake. It's debilitating to not feel like he can fully enjoy anything without another person. It's scary, when he stops to really think about it, but down that road rests no pleasant sort of self-discovery so he'll just keep using his family and maybe some cake to distract himself until it passes or they're both back home. 

"Does it get easier?" He finally asks. She uses her mum telepathy to understand what he's asking. Will there ever be a time he misses Dan less? When he's more prepared to spend time apart? When doesn't he doesn't feel like's got a phantom limb, like he's so used to Dan being there that it's jarring to realize he's not? 

He feels ridiculous and disappointed in himself until she says, "Well, of course not. When it does - now that's when you know you're in trouble. There's no such thing as loving too well or missing too much when it's the right person." 

* 

Dan doesn't answer his phone that night. 

Phil texts him three times before he gives up, except not really because he can't fall asleep. 

He's in such a funk. Even his grandmother fussed after him to smile more when he saw them for dinner. 

He's three levels up on his favorite app game when his phone jumps to life in his hands, Dan's stupid smiling face on the screen. 

"I almost didn't answer," he says. "It's so late." 

"Sorry." Dan sounds genuinely apologetic and also genuinely drunk. "My mum challenged me to shots at the bar." 

"She won, didn't she?" 

"I don't understand how!" The disbelief makes his voice explosive, probably too loud for the late hour where he's at. "It should be a crime, really. Your mum shouldn't be able to drink you under the table. I'm a disgrace to young twenty-somethings everywhere. She got hit on more than me, too." 

"You can commiserate with matching brunch hangovers in the morning." Phil points out. "Remember water, though. You know how easily you dehydrate." 

"Fuck." Dan sighs. Phil listens to the sounds of him walking across his hotel room. There's a rush of water than the sound of him gulping. "Ah. There. Better?" 

"It's for you, not me," Phil points out. "I won't even be the one dealing with you in the morning this time." 

"That's what you think," Dan mutters. "I'm calling you as soon as I wake up and I'm going to moan in your ear until you hang up on me." 

"That won't take long," Phil says. "Are you getting into bed?" 

"Mhm," Dan says. "Going to fall asleep in like, five fucking seconds. Keep talking to me, though? Miss your voice." 

Phil rests his head back against his own pillow and smiles. "I can do that." 

*

He goes to sleep that night with her words rattling around in his mind. His parents always travel together, don't they? And maybe that's the problem. Maybe it's worse because now Phil can imagine going, too. He couldn't have done that a few years ago. It seemed unreachable, unattainable, like a mistake in every way. 

Phil isn't sure when that changed. It didn't happen overnight. The confidence settled in slowly, the contentedness sealing up cracks in their foundation through years of slow and steady progress. Now he stays home and Dan goes off, or the other way around, and they're both left choked by how suddenly much they feel. 

Because yeah, Dan's doing okay so far, he's got adventures to go on and bonding to do, but he'll probably have an off night himself. And even if he doesn't this time, there have been plenty other trips, plenty other late night calls, plenty other times Phil's been the one soothing him. 

So maybe when Dan calls next, Phil will figure out a way to say what he really feels and Dan will laugh at him a little bit but he'll tell Phil he understands and he loves him and he misses him too and Phil will sleep a little easier knowing that this might be awful but it's awful for both of them just the same and that probably means something good, deep down, for them - for the solidity of what they are to each other. 

After all, if his mum says it's okay to miss someone a little too much, then surely it must be. 

* 

Home looks the same. The doorknob under his hand feels the same. His footsteps up the stairs sound the same. 

The flat door opens before he can even get his key out. Dan is standing there, more tan than when Phil last saw him, hair a mess, wearing Phil's t-shirt. "Took you long enough." 

Phil drops his bag and lunges forward, not giving a single flying fluff about the way Dan laughs at him because Dan's arms are tight around him and Dan smells like home. Phil gives in to the dramatics with a fiercely whispered, "You're never going away again." 

They'll talk later, about how strange it is to Dan that this is the first time Phil's really reacted this way. And Phil will admit that maybe he's always felt this way, he just hid it more. And Dan will get a little emotional, because Dan always does, and then they'll do something completely cliche like have slow intense romantic sex and fall asleep right after. 

"Not even if I go away and bring you back... presents?" Dan's smile is pouty and his voice is light. He thinks he's cute. 

(Phil thinks so, too.) 

It's good to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> [Read and reblog on tumblr!](http://slightlydizzier.tumblr.com/post/139137157334/come-back-home-to-you)


End file.
